Poem: Distractions!

Last night i realized something.
I was tossing and turning,
trying to calm myself down,
so i could get some sleep.

I wasn't particularily at unease,
but there's this constant stream
of static and information in my mind.
Of course i'm used to it by now,
but it bothers me at night sometimes.

You know. You're tired and all,
you know you'd have to be well rested in the morning,
but your mind is wandering,
distracting you from the situation at hand:
sleeping. How hard can it be?

What was i talking about again?

Last night i realized something.
But i can't recall what it was.
I got distracted again,
and my thoughts derailed, again.

Last night i realized something.
It's right on the tip of my tongue.
I can almost remember... wait.
No. I lost it again.
It was something profound and insightful.
That's for sure.

Great - now i got a headache.
Maybe i'm just going to get some aspirin,
stop this blabbering,
and do something usefull for a change.

Poem: Some kind of an obituary

Poe1. Code of conduct

Rule number one:
"Whenever a situation occurs, where the rules don't apply, a new one must be compiled."
How else can one know what's right?
How else can one know how to live your life?
Stay in line!
One must obey at all times.

Stop! That's far enough.

A sudden realization.
A revelation of a kind.

It's all in the mind:
the chains that bound us are devised by us.

-How can it be? Some kind of rules must apply?
-Why?

It's for you to decide, not me.
Go, march in their line if you want to:
you'd make a hell of a cannon fodder.
Good looking too, in that shiny uniform they'd give you.

If you're lucky you might earn yourself a medal when you're dead.
What an honour.
Go before you miss the funeral.
Let me enjoy my freedom.


2. The rise and demise of reason

Despite my heresy,
Despise i thy view of matters.
Thy way to say: "There's only one way"

An hypocrite, say i

"Save thine immortal soul" - i hear you cry.
"Mine is a mortal one" - i calmly explain to your face.
An argument follows... soon to be set aside.

What a fine lad, a true fellow of mine.
No petty thing can come between you and i.

Hear, my friend, what i have in mind:
"Let us take the wrong turn this time"
Have some of this wine of mine.
Have a sip, have a pint,
or more if you like.


3. Idealism and beyond

Not everyone is like us.
To tell a fact, nor are we.
We know it to be untrue - but we say it anyway.

The others, the ones not like us.
You know the type, don't you?

The ones not unlike us.
The ones that just don't care.

They don't see the world as we do.
It's not like they have less love.
More like they hate more -
or maybe they just don't hate enough.
I'm not sure about that.

Anyway,
it's their fault that the world is turning to a shithole.
Some kind of a cheap whorehouse,
with a damp smell and the walls,
painted with all the shades of grey.
Only a few black and white spots remain,
and a red bloodstain,
a little drop that just bled from the nose of some junkie.

The paint is already peeling off.
Falling on the floor with broken bottles, cigar stubs,
vomit, dust, and all the other useless scum that
nobody cared to sweep off.


4. The prophecy

The brave new world:
a brothel where hundred year old whores
are stuffed up, stretched and painted,
in a failed attempt to make them look like teenagers.

That's the kind of a world you'll soon live in -
you're forced to be a customer,
and you'll have to pay for it.

I can smell it already:
all the scents, feelings and colours,
blended together to form an useless,
foul smelling blob of grey shit.

Someone should do something,
but they don't.
To hell with them!
I'm tired.
I don't care anymore.
So i just lay back now, enjoy the ride,
and let it all rot around me.
Someone should do something.
Someone else.

Book review: Purge (Sofi Oksanen, 2008)

Purge and betrayal


Despite her young age, Sofi Oksanen has become an acclaimed contemporary author in Europe. Her latest novel, Purge (Puhdistus, 2008), tells a story of two women: a hardened widow Aliide Truu and a mysterious young woman named Zara. The two women are separeted by generations, but have more in common than meets the eye.


Ragged and mistreated, Zara appears on Aliide's backyard in the middle of the night. Who can you trust? Neither one of them can decide - they both have a heavy burden to carry: troubled past and secrets too shameful to share. Some truths are better left undisclosed, some words unsaid, and some hearts have already been cast in stone. - or have they?


Purge has all the ingredients of a drama: jealousy, grudge, misery, sperm, blood, sweat,  tears and deceived promises. The plot follows a non-linear narrative structure, and can get quite disorienting at times. For some, just reading through the first third of the book could be a tedious task. This time, however, persistence really pays off. After a while you just can't stop reading. Eventually the story might keep you up all night.


Secrets of the women are revealed sparingly, while eras vary smoothly from chapter to chapter. Eventually, all the pieces of the puzzle will fit, but not until the very end. Sofi Oksanen is not shy about difficult issues, she doesn't moralize or take a stand, but tells things as they are.


The novel is mostly written from a female perspective, but male readers shouldn't shun the book. Characters of the story are not your average stereotypes, but are based on humanity rather than gender. Male perspective is not forgotten either: Hans Pekk's journal entries ooze sorrow and longing for his daughter and wife - they are heart breaking enough to make a grown man weep. Hans Pekk is a peasant from the countryside of Estonia - where most of the story takes place by the way. His journal entries are scattered around the book. They don't follow the book's narrative sequence, and have almost no significance for the plot. They do make up an incomplete frame story, but serve mostly as an emotional device for the main storyline.


One must note that Sofi's perception of Estonian history differs slightly from the mainstream. Main characters have a longing for Finland and Sweden - not for Soviet Russia - and are waiting for Truman's United States to break the iron curtain.


If you enjoy historical novels, are interested in Estonian history, or like stories written from a female perspective - this book is for you. If you are a fan of Dostoyevsky's works - Purge will not leave you cold.


However, Purge is not for everyone, nor for every moment or state of mind. It's certainly not a book for an impatient reader. If you have a slightest urge to wander off into the alien space bat territory - it ain't the right time to read this one. Purge is like a fine wine - not to be gulped in a rush to get a quick buzz, but to be enjoyed with the right condiments in a suitable setting.